What is is about that word that strikes such fear in some hearts?
I know it strikes fear in mine, and I’m no coward. Well, I am scared of snakes and fireworks, but that’s a whole other issue.
I am a commitment-phobe. I’ll admit it. In my past relationships, a guy would start to mention the c-word, and I’d shush him up.
“Shhhh….We don’t say the C-Word.”
Saying the C-Word would send me running, and not necessarily into someone’s arms. More like running and screaming AWAY from someone’s arms and back to the safe cocoon I like to call single life.
Yeah, I know, some deplore single life. Not me, I revel in it. I love it. I’m able to go and do what I want when I want. I can hang out with who I want. Since 90% of my friends are single guys, (attractive single guys), hanging out with who I want can tend to become an issue in relationships. I can be a blanket hog, sleep sideways, if I want. Eat Chef Boyardee for dinner. I love being single.
I also get to avoid the dreaded C-Word.
Again, what is it about the C-Word that causes such fear?
I think it’s fear.
And the fear depends on the person who’s avoiding the C-Word.
Someone who’s been burned in relationships might be afraid of getting hurt again.
Someone who is like me and treasures their independence might be afraid of losing that part of them. A friend of mine sent me a comment on the “That Don’t Impress Me Much” blog. The one where I mention the c-word and the guy runs off. That’s been a few months ago and that guy still hasn’t talked to me. (Apparently, he’s commitment-phobic also. :)) In this comment, my friend brought up a good point. He said that as we get a bit older, we become more commitment-phobic because we’re afraid of what we’re going to have to give up. Are we going to have to give up our independence? Our space? What are we going to have to compromise on?
And I think that’s a very good point. As we get older, and I’m not THAT old, mind you, and as we’re single for awhile, I think we become sort of set in our ways. We have our little habits, our little routines.
For example, I love my morning silence. I write in the mornings, do a little reading, drink my coffee or tea; it’s MY time. Is that something I would have to give up or compromise on? And is that a reason to be commitment-phobic?
I think so.
I also have two guy friends who say they don’t want a relationship because they know how they are and they don’t want to hurt anyone. They know they’re in a place where they aren’t ready to offer anyone a relationship for personal or professional reasons.
Is that yet another reason for commitment-phobia?
Or is it simply an excuse?
I don’t know. I don’t have the answers. If I did, I’d be making the big bucks as a relationship therapist. Now that would be interesting. Me giving relationship advice? That’ll happen.
Speaking of which, why are all the books about finding a relationship? Where are the books about people like me? The people who relish single-dom and treat the c-word like a dirty word?
If you know of any, let me know. I’d love to read them.
If not, hmmmm….Maybe that’s my next writing project.
Until next time……
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