Commitment-Phobic or Enthusiastically Independent?

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine this past weekend about someone who used to be a friend of mine. This particular person is in a relationship with someone who thrives on drama. She is one of those people that if there’s no drama in her life, she will create drama. She’s perpetually in trouble and needs saving.

This friend has proposed to this drama queen. We think he’s insane. But I don’t think it’s insanity. I think it’s what I call a “Superman Complex”. He proposed to her because he realized that saving her would take a lifetime commitment. Personally, I think he should be committed, but he doesn’t listen to me. Can’t listen to me. But that’s a whole other story.

In fact, it was this conversation that prompted me to think of my own commitment issues. In the past, I’ve always thought it was a fear of commitment. Now, I’m not sure. I don’t think I’m commitment-phobic. I don’t think I’m scared. Recently, I had a good relationship going, and fear never set in.  I wasn’t afraid.

Maybe I was in the past. I can see how I’ve gotten close to guys in the past and pushed them away because I was afraid of getting hurt, but now it’s different.

Now, I think I’m commitment-resistant.

I thought of the person who I was very good friends with, who had to give up my friendship to stay in his relationship. I’ve been there. I was in a relationship very much like that.  I had to choose between my friends and my relationship. For a time, it was well known that if I chose to go out with my friends, I would be in the doghouse. It wasn’t an out and out, “If you choose your friends over me, I’m leaving”. It was, “If you choose your friends over me, I will give you hell.”

And it was hell everytime I made that choice. And I made it often. I’ve always been a little stubborn.

And when I made the choice to end that relationship, I felt a freedom that I don’t think I’d ever felt before. It was a freedom I still feel. I can go do as I please, talk to who I please, go where I please. The only people I answer to are myself, my son, and God.

And I don’t think I’m afraid of giving that up. I think I’m reluctant to give that up.

Maybe I’m relationship-reluctant.

Now, if someone told me I had to make a choice between my friends and a relationship, I’d say, “I’m sorry you feel that way. Have a nice life.”

I might feel sad for a few days. It’s always sad to end relationships, but it wouldn’t be long and I’d be back to being my normal indpendent self, reveling in single-dom. I’d be hanging out with my friends, going and doing as I please.

If I were a man living in the 1700 or 1800’s, (I’m not good with dates), I’d be what was called a “confirmed bachelor”. A guy who didn’t feel the need to take on a wife. He gambled, partied all night, hung out with his other confirmed bachelor friends. But it’s not the 1700 or 1800’s and I’m definitely not a man.

Maybe a new term could be “Certified Single”?

Or “Fortunately Foot-Loose”?

How about “Enthusiastically Independent”?

I’m not commitment-phobic, I’m enthusiastically independent.

I think I like the sound of that.

Hmmmm….there’s definitely some potential there with that term. 🙂

Until next time here’s a good website I found for those that are afraid of commitment….

Sooner 😉

4 thoughts on “Commitment-Phobic or Enthusiastically Independent?

  1. OH, you just revealed to me an answer to a question I’ve been trying to figure out for a year now: “Why would any man want to marry that drama queen?” You got it! He has the superman complex, and not being very good superman, but rather an ordinary not too bright or handsome bloke, he has to choose someone who is making drama out of nothing – things that anyone can fix. That makes sense now.

    As to your relationship-reluctance, I think it’s healthy. People really do not need a relationship these days, you simply don’t. If being alone makes you happier than being in a relationship, you should certainly be alone. When a man comes in your life that just fits in like a glove, THEN it is time to let go of the single life, as you still get to keep your freedom – in regards to your friends at least. 🙂

  2. Sorry im laughing.. how very relevant to whats in the back of my head these past couple months.. i dont want to turn this into a “Dear Sooner” article but mayby you can shed some light on what i am.. or maybey i can explain how i see it…

    being a parent i find it extreemly difficult to commit myself to a relationship, the idea of it is “nice” but as i know from the past..problematic!
    having met a nice bunch of friends in the last year and built a solid frendship with this group ive been enjoying the company of 1 with no strings attached.. my victim being a serial cheat and me being enthuasiastically independant…lol

    but i do wonder how long this sort of thing can go on for before we both get too into each other, as it seems inevitable we will continue having our bit of fun..every weekend..
    however as far as my daughter is concerned, he is not father material…yet…lol
    i suppose im wondering aswell: am i wasting my time having fun being on a learning curve whilst i could be looking for a suitable life partner?
    or am i dedicating myself to the task in hand and trying to reach a stage of dedication between serial cheats?
    and now what does that make me as i liked the term Enthusiastically Independent!?

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