I was having a conversation with a friend of mine this past weekend about someone who used to be a friend of mine. This particular person is in a relationship with someone who thrives on drama. She is one of those people that if there’s no drama in her life, she will create drama. She’s perpetually in trouble and needs saving.
This friend has proposed to this drama queen. We think he’s insane. But I don’t think it’s insanity. I think it’s what I call a “Superman Complex”. He proposed to her because he realized that saving her would take a lifetime commitment. Personally, I think he should be committed, but he doesn’t listen to me. Can’t listen to me. But that’s a whole other story.
In fact, it was this conversation that prompted me to think of my own commitment issues. In the past, I’ve always thought it was a fear of commitment. Now, I’m not sure. I don’t think I’m commitment-phobic. I don’t think I’m scared. Recently, I had a good relationship going, and fear never set in. I wasn’t afraid.
Maybe I was in the past. I can see how I’ve gotten close to guys in the past and pushed them away because I was afraid of getting hurt, but now it’s different.
Now, I think I’m commitment-resistant.
I thought of the person who I was very good friends with, who had to give up my friendship to stay in his relationship. I’ve been there. I was in a relationship very much like that. I had to choose between my friends and my relationship. For a time, it was well known that if I chose to go out with my friends, I would be in the doghouse. It wasn’t an out and out, “If you choose your friends over me, I’m leaving”. It was, “If you choose your friends over me, I will give you hell.”
And it was hell everytime I made that choice. And I made it often. I’ve always been a little stubborn.
And when I made the choice to end that relationship, I felt a freedom that I don’t think I’d ever felt before. It was a freedom I still feel. I can go do as I please, talk to who I please, go where I please. The only people I answer to are myself, my son, and God.
And I don’t think I’m afraid of giving that up. I think I’m reluctant to give that up.
Maybe I’m relationship-reluctant.
Now, if someone told me I had to make a choice between my friends and a relationship, I’d say, “I’m sorry you feel that way. Have a nice life.”
I might feel sad for a few days. It’s always sad to end relationships, but it wouldn’t be long and I’d be back to being my normal indpendent self, reveling in single-dom. I’d be hanging out with my friends, going and doing as I please.
If I were a man living in the 1700 or 1800’s, (I’m not good with dates), I’d be what was called a “confirmed bachelor”. A guy who didn’t feel the need to take on a wife. He gambled, partied all night, hung out with his other confirmed bachelor friends. But it’s not the 1700 or 1800’s and I’m definitely not a man.
Maybe a new term could be “Certified Single”?
Or “Fortunately Foot-Loose”?
How about “Enthusiastically Independent”?
I’m not commitment-phobic, I’m enthusiastically independent.
I think I like the sound of that.
Hmmmm….there’s definitely some potential there with that term. 🙂
Until next time here’s a good website I found for those that are afraid of commitment….