This Is What I Get for Reading

Recently I’ve recommited myself to losing weight.  Right now, in South Louisiana it’s waaay to hot to do my preferred form of exercise which is walking.  I’m too much of a girly-girl.  I don’t like to sweat.


So, I’ve started riding my exercise bike. I’ve got one of those reclining bike things that you can read a magazine or a book on while you pedal away to your heart’s content, or your legs give out.  Whichever happens first.

I’m a big fan of personal growth books.  I love to read books about relationships, money matters, etc.  And yesterday, I just happened to pick up the Love Smart book by Dr. Phil. Of course, I’m not really looking for a new relationship.  I’m quite content with the one I’ve got, but the last couple of chapters are about how to keep your relationship from becoming stagnant.

I’m reading through the chapter and one of the techniques he lists for keeping your relationship healthy is to write love notes to each other. Okay.  Seems like a good idea to me.  I haven’t been cheesy and done something like write a love note in years. 

So, I whip out my pen and paper and write something up real quick.  I have to go into work and we’ve planned to bbq later in the evening so I leave the note with his name on it and smiley faces on it on top of the bbq stuff and later head to work.

He comes to meet me at work, thanks me for the note, calls me “SuperCheese” and we head home.

We start getting the stuff ready to bbq and something catches my eye on the ceiling.  It’s a HUGE bug.  South Louisiana doesn’t have regular size bugs, they have these things that look like they belong on a sci-fi movie.  It looks big enough to grab up a chair and join us at the table.  It looks like something Ian will have to take a bat to to get rid of.

“Kill it, Ian!” I tell him.

He reaches on the counter, grabs the love note I’ve written him and begins to try to kill this predator that has taken up residence on our ceiling.

I’m looking at him like he’s lost his mind. He kills the bug, and looks at me triumphantly. 

“What?” he looks at me, his smile fading as he realizes I’m unhappy.

“You used my letter to kill that bug.”

“And?  What else was I supposed to use?”

I look down at the sandals I had discarded as I’d entered the house. “How about a shoe?”

“I can’t win with you, can I?”

I look at him, THAT look still on my face.

“Ugh, Alisha, stop being such a…a…a….WOMAN!”

Now, I can’t do anything but laugh. What else was I supposed to be?

I guess it’s true.  Men really are from Mars and women are really from Venus.

He was happy to be the hero, to save me from the evil creature on the ceiling.  I was upset because of his use of weapon.  How many times has this scenario played out over the centuries?

Caveman:  “Man bring home sabertooth tiger for family.  Food.”

Cavewoman: “Did you really have to kill it that way?  Poor thing.  Did it suffer?”

Caveman:  Ugh.

Knight:  “I’ve come to rescue you fair maiden, from the enemy.”

Fair Maiden (as she looks around at the fallen captors around her):  “You expect me to walk through that?”

Knight:  Ugh.

20th Century Fisherman to Girlfriend: “Okay now. Reel the fish in reallll slow.”

Girlfriend reels in the fish real slow, gets it to the bank. “Throw it back.”

Fisherman:  “What?”

Girlfriend:  “Throw it back.  He looks like he’s suffering.”

Fisherman:  Ugh.

See what I mean?

Something tells me things aren’t likely to change anytime soon either.  🙂


I’m out!

Good Advice

I’m one of the most hard headed people I know.  There are only two people I’ve ever met who actually are more stubborn than I am. You cannot tell me what to do.  And one of the worst things someone can do is to tell me what to do. Then, I will more than likely do the exact opposite. I don’t know why this is, but I’ve grown to accept it over time.  I do listen more than I used to, but ultimately at the end of the day, I’m going to do what I want to do.

There are two people in my life who seem to know this well.  One is my dad, the other is my friend Christy.  Whenever Dad gives me advice, he doesn’t tell me what I should do, he’ll tell me a story, a joke, a piece of wisdom that relates to what it is that he wants me do.  One example of this is when he told me the shad story.  When I was going through my divorce and dating men that were butt heads,  he told me, “Alisha, there’s a type of fish out there that you can’t do anything with, you can’t cook it because it stinks and there’s nothing you can do, it will always stink.  You might as well just throw it back.  Alisha, stop trying to bring home shad.”

Hmmmm…I definitely stopped and listened to that one. 

It happened twice again this week, only not through my dad.  One was a blog that my friend Dana wrote.  She wrote about cleaning out the b.s. in her life, and I thought how true that was for my life too.  I had so much chaos going on around me that it was starting to affect me.  I was stressed out, angry, and ready to pull my hair out because of drama that wasn’t my drama. 

It was b.s.

So what did I do?  I started clearing it out.  I think not only do we spring clean our houses, I think we need to spring clean ourselves sometimes and we don’t do that.  At least I don’t.  I let things accumulate, little dust pockets of drama, until the mess simply becomes overwhelming.  When all it would take is to clean it out.  Get back down to the basics, organize.  We need to figure out what’s important. Get rid of things that aren’t working, polish the ones that are.

And while I was thinking about this, and working on getting some matters “cleaned up”, I was having lunch with some friends of mine and Christy threw out this gem. “You have to keep people in your life who encourage you to grow.”

And how true that was too.  It actually helped me make my mind up on one particular issue I was having.  When people stop growing, they become stagnant, stuck in the same routines, the same problems, the same situations, until they learn whatever it is they need to learn.  If they ever do.

It was like when I was single.  I was stuck in the same situations, repeating the same actions over and over and of course getting the same results.  When I learned what I needed to learn, it was time for something new. And now that I’m in a relationship, I’m learning so many new things.  I’m learning about me, about compromise, and about communication.  In many ways, I’m growing.

And in some ways, maybe I’m actually learning to listen in the process. 🙂

Here’s to cleaning, growing, and listening!


I’m out!

Small Things

I’m not a Michael Jackson fan, I have to confess.  Haven’t been for years. He simply became too eccentric for me. But, in the days since his passing, I’ve listened to the radio stations play music from him that I haven’t heard in years. I’ve heard “Beat It”, “Thriller”, “Billie Jean”.  And my favorite, “The Man in the Mirror”.

That’s probably the first time I’ve heard it in my thirties.  When I heard it as an adult, I thought of how true this song is.  How many times do we see a homeless person and just walk on by, caught up in our own lives and our own problems?”

I’ll be the first to confess that I am guilty of this.  I’ll see a homeless person, think, “What a shame” and go on about my merry way, thinking of groceries that need to be bought, bills that need to be paid.  And it doesn’t strike me as ironic that these “problems” that I’m so caught up in and stressed about are problems that this person I just passed would love to have?

Not only do I not stop enough to count my blessings, I haven’t done anything in years to make a positive change in the area around me.  Yes, I teach, and that probably makes a small impact, but when was the last time I volunteered in a food kitchen, gave to a homeless shelter, or other worthwhile cause? Or really did something to make someone else feel better?

I think we get caught up in our own lives and think things should be changed, but we always expect someone else to do it.  We think that’s someone else’s job.  But really, Michael’s right.  It starts with the Man (or Woman) in the Mirror.

It starts with us.

Mother Theresa said, “We cannot do great things.  We can only do small things with great love.” 

So, I’m committing myself to do one small thing a week this month. What small things?  I’m not sure yet.  I may buy a few extra groceries and throw them in the Food Bank donation box on my way out.  I may check off that “Share the Light” box on my utility bill and help out someone who can’t afford their light bill this month.  Or I was watching the morning news last week and the council for the elderly needed box fans to help keep our elderly cool.  Or I may just do all three.

All small things. 

And I’m challenging you to do the same.  Do one, two, three, four, or however many small things.  Forward this blog, challenge a friend.  And tell us your stories.  What small thing did you do?


I’m out!