“This just isn’t working….I’m moving out.”

I blinked through my Demerol induced haze from a tooth extraction the day before and struggled to make his words make sense. It didn’t take too long before I realized that I was being dumped.

Dumped. The word sounded about as bad as it felt. As in, I took a dump. Dump truck. That place looks like a dump.

This was the first time I’d been dumped in a long time. First of all, I’d been single for quite a few years before I got together with him. Second of all, I’d been the one to leave in all but one of my other relationships and that one wasn’t really a relationship. It had lasted less than six months.

Thirty four years old and never really been dumped. I guess now was the time.

So, what did I do?

I drank. And I drank. And then I drank some more. Luckily, I was on vacation at the time and didn’t have to worry about work the next day. Or unluckily, considering that I didn’t have to worry about work. Depends on how you look at it, I guess.

Finally, I sobered up…you can’t stay drunk forever. Plus, I had some really good friends who would’ve kicked my ass if I wallowed in drunken self-pity for too long. And besides, I’ve never done self-pity well.

I started resuming my life. I finally went back to the grocery store where we shopped. I finally watched the morning show that had always been playing when we got ready for work. And I finally stopped sleeping on the sofa and slept in my room.

And I lived.

And I started noticing all the wonderful aspects of single life. I took off on a moment’s notice and went to a concert, a concert my ex probably wouldn’t have been interested in. I hogged the covers. I slept sideways in the bed. I ate Chef Boyardee out of the little microwavable bowl for dinner. I discovered Yoga. And I realized that even though I had lost one friend, the friendships I did have grew stronger, and I even gained new friends. I guess that old cliche’ is correct. When one door closes, another one opens.

I’m spending a lot more time on me now. Spending a lot more time by myself. It’s almost like a caterpillar entering a cocoon. I’m dieting, working out, enhancing my physical appearance. But I’m also working on me. What is it I want? That’s something I haven’t thought about it a loooooong time. I’ve given so much to others that I haven’t spent enough time on me. Eventually, I’ll emerge from this stage of my life a littler wiser and with shiny new wings! I’ll be a butterfly. 🙂

It’s going to be my very own Eat, Pray, Love. But without the carbs and the travel.
For now, I’m out.


Epiphany– any moment of great or sudden revelation. My life has been a series of epiphanies for the last couple of months. I guess that’s why “Epiphany” by Staind is one of my favorite songs right now. Not because of the lyrics necessarily, but because the title simply reminds me of all I’ve learned lately.

Lesson #1. You Find Out Who Your Friends Are.
Granted, I already knew this on one level, but you really find out when you go through something difficult. You see who stands by your side, supports you, and in my case, buys you shots. I am truly blessed to have the friends that I have.

Lesson #2. Sometimes the thing you fear really isn’t all that scary.
Sometimes simply being afraid to make the wrong decision is bigger than the fear of what actually happens. Sometimes you just have to make up your mind and live with the consequences. And sometimes you know what to do, you’re just afraid to do it. And then sometimes, the decision is made for you. Then, you get to take that big sigh of relief, knowing it’s done and you can move on. And moving on isn’t nearly as bad as drowning in uncertainty.

Lesson #3. Anger gives someone power over you.
Being angry at someone gives them the power to control your reactions. They do this so you do that. Maybe that’s not true for everyone, but it’s true for me. I’m giving up my power to anger and to that person. And my power is mine. I’ll be damned if I give it up to someone who doesn’t deserve it in the first place.

Lesson #4. People come into your life for a reason.
When it was time for me to move on from two previous relationships, in each case, someone came into my life that kind of made that change happen. I was waffling, as I often do when trying to make a decision, and these people helped me to make up my mind. I call them catalysts. They were the tools that helped me to make a needed change. And my life is better for it.
So here’s to epiphanies and lessons learned.
I’m Out!

My Next Ex-Husbands

Ok, before you get any ideas, I’m not trying to be another Liz Taylor. Nor am I planning on running off and becoming a groupie. Not that being a groupie hasn’t crossed my mind, being the rock star fan that I am. It’s simply not a possibility for me right now. This is simply something that has become a running joke between my friends and me. There are some lead singers out there that when I hear their sexy voices on the jukebox, I point to the jukebox and say, “That’s my next ex-husband.” Finally, one night, a friend of mine said, “Alisha, just how many ex-husbands are you planning on having?”

That’s a good question. So, I thought, and I thought. And finally, I came up with a number. My number? Five. Which makes six ex-husbands total, if you count the real ex-husband I already have.

Who are my next ex-husbands? Keep in mind these are in no particular order….

1. Sully from Godsmack

2. Jacoby from Papa Roach.

3. Benjamin from Breaking Benjamin

4. Aaron from Staind

5. Pete from Chevelle

Any of these guys can serenade me any day………

I’m out!

The Sistahood’s Relationship Rubric

I’m baaaaack! God Lord, it’s been too long. My fingers have just been itching to get some new writing done! So, without further ado here we go……..

I am a teacher, and as a teacher we grade LOTS of papers. To do this, we use rubrics. I guess you could say a rubric is a guide for grading. If they meet these certain criteria, they get this certain grade.

I’m also a single gal. Again. So, awhile back I had thought how handing it would be to have a rubric to help me “grade” men. This would give me a general idea of which guys would be worthy of bringing home and showing to mom, “Look what I got mom!”. And which ones I should basically “round” file.

I did try one of my friend’s funnel theories. The theory where you put all your prospects in a funnel, mix them around, learn more about them, then let one’s you’re not interested in fall out. This rubric is more or less, an addition to this theory. Anyone that doesn’t meet at least the 7-8 criteria, gets funneled out. And this time, I have to remember that when I funnel one out. I DO NOT let them back in. Recycling is not a good thing in this situation.

Now, men, you can also use this rubric, just change “man” to “woman.” And “queen” to “king.”

The rubric? Here it is…..

The Sistahood’s Relationship Rubric

0 This man does not reach a standard described by ANY of the descriptors.

1-2 This man is generally disorganized, unclear, unclean, unavailable, and/or incoherent. He employs his critical apparatus inappropriately or not at all.

3-4 This man shows the beginnings of potential but lacks some key elements. (i.e. financial security, clean prison record, etc.). He employs his critical apparatus with limited success.

5-6 This man is generally organized, clear, clean, available, and communicative. He also generally employs his critical apparatus correctly.

7-8 This man is usually well-organized, clear, clean, available, and communicative. He has good ideas to build upon.

9-10 This man is consistently well-organized, clear, clean, available, and communicative. He recognizes that you are the Queen and respects you appropriately. This man employs his critical apparatus correctly AND effectively.

Searching for a relationship shouldn’t be all that serious should it?


I’m out!