“This just isn’t working….I’m moving out.”
I blinked through my Demerol induced haze from a tooth extraction the day before and struggled to make his words make sense. It didn’t take too long before I realized that I was being dumped.
Dumped. The word sounded about as bad as it felt. As in, I took a dump. Dump truck. That place looks like a dump.
This was the first time I’d been dumped in a long time. First of all, I’d been single for quite a few years before I got together with him. Second of all, I’d been the one to leave in all but one of my other relationships and that one wasn’t really a relationship. It had lasted less than six months.
Thirty four years old and never really been dumped. I guess now was the time.
So, what did I do?
I drank. And I drank. And then I drank some more. Luckily, I was on vacation at the time and didn’t have to worry about work the next day. Or unluckily, considering that I didn’t have to worry about work. Depends on how you look at it, I guess.
Finally, I sobered up…you can’t stay drunk forever. Plus, I had some really good friends who would’ve kicked my ass if I wallowed in drunken self-pity for too long. And besides, I’ve never done self-pity well.
I started resuming my life. I finally went back to the grocery store where we shopped. I finally watched the morning show that had always been playing when we got ready for work. And I finally stopped sleeping on the sofa and slept in my room.
And I lived.
And I started noticing all the wonderful aspects of single life. I took off on a moment’s notice and went to a concert, a concert my ex probably wouldn’t have been interested in. I hogged the covers. I slept sideways in the bed. I ate Chef Boyardee out of the little microwavable bowl for dinner. I discovered Yoga. And I realized that even though I had lost one friend, the friendships I did have grew stronger, and I even gained new friends. I guess that old cliche’ is correct. When one door closes, another one opens.
I’m spending a lot more time on me now. Spending a lot more time by myself. It’s almost like a caterpillar entering a cocoon. I’m dieting, working out, enhancing my physical appearance. But I’m also working on me. What is it I want? That’s something I haven’t thought about it a loooooong time. I’ve given so much to others that I haven’t spent enough time on me. Eventually, I’ll emerge from this stage of my life a littler wiser and with shiny new wings! I’ll be a butterfly. 🙂
It’s going to be my very own Eat, Pray, Love. But without the carbs and the travel.
For now, I’m out.
Peace!
i know you havent been on here in a while and i found your blog via google but .. ive read some of your entries and you’re quite inspiring. really.
Thanks so much for the comment! I’ve been unable to blog recently because of time and computer issues, but hope to be back online and blogging soon!