Better Than I Used to Be

Sunday, March, 20, 2011
29 days left
“I ain’t no angel
But I’ve been sitting out a few more dances with the devil.
And cleanin’ up my act little by little
I’m gettin there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

I’ve pinned a lot of demons to the ground
Got a lot of old habits licked
But there’s still one or two I might need you to help me kick
Standin’ in the rain so long has left me with a little rust
But put some faith in me
Some day you’ll see there’s a diamond under all this dust.”
-from Sammy Kershaw’s “Better Than I Used to Be”

I heard this song months ago, and cannot get enough of it.
Sometimes music just speaks to you. And this song definitely speaks to me. I’ve definitely had times in my life like this. I’ve definitely had to kick a few bad habits and wrestle some demons to the ground.

I was watching Criminal Minds, Suspect Behavior the other night and the characters were talking right before the episode ended. They were talking about ghosts. One character asked the other what he did with his ghosts. That character told him, “I make mine fly in formation.”

Demons, bad habits, ghosts, it’s all the same thing.

It’s how we deal with them that make us who we are. Do we let these things control us? Do we control them? There’s time I’ve controlled mine, and times they’ve controlled me.

I definitely prefer making mine, “fly in formation.”

And that’s what makes us better than we used to be. We live, we learn, we grow, we make mistakes, we dust ourselves off and get back to the business of living.

Speaking of which, it’s time I get busy living mine.

Here’s to becoming better than I used to be!
Peace!
I’m out!

I’m Alisha…And I’m Still A Dating Idiot

Thursday, March 10th
39 days left.

Already I feel more successful than I did when I tried to find a man in forty days. It’s been like 4,000 days since I started that quest and I’m no closer to finding a good man than I was four years ago. Maybe not 4,000 days. Maybe it just seems like it’s been that long.

Four years later, I’m still a dating idiot. Hell, it’s been so long since I’ve been asked out on a real date, this is how one text conversation went recently.

Me: I had a good time hanging out the other night.
Friend: Me too. Maybe we should make a date of it.
Me: A date? Are you sure you have the right number?
Friend: Yes.
Me: You know who this is, right?
Friend: Yes.

See? I get asked out on an actual date, and I don’t even know what to answer. I’m still a dating idiot. Still single 4.000 days later. Give or take a few.
Let me refresh some memories……

There was the time I got into the WRONG truck after a concert. That was soooo not my fault. My keeper definitely wasn’t paying attention that night. I don’t know who was more scared, the guy who lost me, the guy who opened his truck door to find ME in there, or ME!!!

What about the guy who showed up at the WRONG restaurant? Yep. After I’d given directions at least ten times.

He says: Do I turn?
I say: No, stay on Johnston.
He says: What about here, do I turn here?
I say: No, stay on Johnston.
He says: Wait, are you sure I don’t turn?
I say: No, stay on Johnston.

Then, there was the guy who was the WRONG size. His poor little feet didn’t touch the ground, but his face sure touched a part of me on that goodbye hug. He must’ve liked that because while walking me to my car he invited me to meet his parents. In another state.

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

And I could go on. But then, I’d probably just be depressed. Or start drinking. Or both.

So, how does being single relate to making life simple?

If I have more time for ME, I have more time for dating.

If I am more relaxed and less stressed, I have more time for someone else.

See, this Lent thing is really starting to work out for me.
And I don’t really feel like I’m giving up a thing. For now I’m off to shop the personals. I’m sure I can find some good stuff to report on from there!

Then, it’s time to figure out what I’m going to do for ME tonight.

Here’s to…..well hell, here’s to ME!
Peace! I’m out!

Keep It Simple, Sistah

Wednesday, March 9th.
Day One
I admit I’ve been very unfocused in my writing. I write about this, about that, and nothing ever really gels. But recently, I’ve been inspired.

I have a new goal.

I want to make my life as simple as possible in the next 40 days. Why 40? For those of you who are Catholic, you know that this is the Lenten season. I’m not Catholic, but I always admire those that set goals for themselves and follow them through.

Keep it simple.

It sounds “simple” enough.

Where do I start to make life less dramatic and complicated? I think I start with looking at myself. What is complicating my life?

One thing for me is taking care of everybody but myself. Granted, I have gotten better. The word “no” flows from my lips a lot more than it used to. But, I still need to work on it.

So the first goal is to focus on myself. Selfish? I don’t think so. In order to take care of others, I need to take care of ME first. I want to do one simple little thing for me everyday. It make be taking a little walk. Or cooking a quick and simple dinner (Lean Cuisines are getting old). It could be taking more time to read.

Now, on the goal number two. I need to streamline my finances and clear the “fat” out. Working two jobs does not contribute to “simplicity”. I’m challenging myself to cut enough from my budget in the next forty days to justify not having to work extra. I do love my second job, so I probably won’t quit completely. BUT, my extra pay could contribute to goal number one. Taking care of ME! I would have extra money for travel, books, concert tickets…..Sounds good to me.

A good friend of mine once told me I should always pick three goals to work on. In order to continue to simplify, I’m going to clear some clutter. I’m going to pretend like I’m moving and a clear out absolutely everything I wouldn’t want to take with me. Clothes that don’t fit or I haven’t worn in years? Gone. Books lying around that I’ve read and are taking up space? Going to Book Rack. I may even have a yard sale. I can get rid of crap AND have extra money in my pocket. (Again, this helps out with goal number one. ME!)

That’s it. Three goals for making my life a little simpler. Hopefully, in forty days, I will emerge a less-stressed, rejuvenated, happier ME!

Here’s to keeping it simple!

I’m out!