I’m Alisha…And I’m Still A Dating Idiot

Thursday, March 10th
39 days left.

Already I feel more successful than I did when I tried to find a man in forty days. It’s been like 4,000 days since I started that quest and I’m no closer to finding a good man than I was four years ago. Maybe not 4,000 days. Maybe it just seems like it’s been that long.

Four years later, I’m still a dating idiot. Hell, it’s been so long since I’ve been asked out on a real date, this is how one text conversation went recently.

Me: I had a good time hanging out the other night.
Friend: Me too. Maybe we should make a date of it.
Me: A date? Are you sure you have the right number?
Friend: Yes.
Me: You know who this is, right?
Friend: Yes.

See? I get asked out on an actual date, and I don’t even know what to answer. I’m still a dating idiot. Still single 4.000 days later. Give or take a few.
Let me refresh some memories……

There was the time I got into the WRONG truck after a concert. That was soooo not my fault. My keeper definitely wasn’t paying attention that night. I don’t know who was more scared, the guy who lost me, the guy who opened his truck door to find ME in there, or ME!!!

What about the guy who showed up at the WRONG restaurant? Yep. After I’d given directions at least ten times.

He says: Do I turn?
I say: No, stay on Johnston.
He says: What about here, do I turn here?
I say: No, stay on Johnston.
He says: Wait, are you sure I don’t turn?
I say: No, stay on Johnston.

Then, there was the guy who was the WRONG size. His poor little feet didn’t touch the ground, but his face sure touched a part of me on that goodbye hug. He must’ve liked that because while walking me to my car he invited me to meet his parents. In another state.

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

And I could go on. But then, I’d probably just be depressed. Or start drinking. Or both.

So, how does being single relate to making life simple?

If I have more time for ME, I have more time for dating.

If I am more relaxed and less stressed, I have more time for someone else.

See, this Lent thing is really starting to work out for me.
And I don’t really feel like I’m giving up a thing. For now I’m off to shop the personals. I’m sure I can find some good stuff to report on from there!

Then, it’s time to figure out what I’m going to do for ME tonight.

Here’s to…..well hell, here’s to ME!
Peace! I’m out!

Keep It Simple, Sistah

Wednesday, March 9th.
Day One
I admit I’ve been very unfocused in my writing. I write about this, about that, and nothing ever really gels. But recently, I’ve been inspired.

I have a new goal.

I want to make my life as simple as possible in the next 40 days. Why 40? For those of you who are Catholic, you know that this is the Lenten season. I’m not Catholic, but I always admire those that set goals for themselves and follow them through.

Keep it simple.

It sounds “simple” enough.

Where do I start to make life less dramatic and complicated? I think I start with looking at myself. What is complicating my life?

One thing for me is taking care of everybody but myself. Granted, I have gotten better. The word “no” flows from my lips a lot more than it used to. But, I still need to work on it.

So the first goal is to focus on myself. Selfish? I don’t think so. In order to take care of others, I need to take care of ME first. I want to do one simple little thing for me everyday. It make be taking a little walk. Or cooking a quick and simple dinner (Lean Cuisines are getting old). It could be taking more time to read.

Now, on the goal number two. I need to streamline my finances and clear the “fat” out. Working two jobs does not contribute to “simplicity”. I’m challenging myself to cut enough from my budget in the next forty days to justify not having to work extra. I do love my second job, so I probably won’t quit completely. BUT, my extra pay could contribute to goal number one. Taking care of ME! I would have extra money for travel, books, concert tickets…..Sounds good to me.

A good friend of mine once told me I should always pick three goals to work on. In order to continue to simplify, I’m going to clear some clutter. I’m going to pretend like I’m moving and a clear out absolutely everything I wouldn’t want to take with me. Clothes that don’t fit or I haven’t worn in years? Gone. Books lying around that I’ve read and are taking up space? Going to Book Rack. I may even have a yard sale. I can get rid of crap AND have extra money in my pocket. (Again, this helps out with goal number one. ME!)

That’s it. Three goals for making my life a little simpler. Hopefully, in forty days, I will emerge a less-stressed, rejuvenated, happier ME!

Here’s to keeping it simple!

I’m out!

It Can’t Rain All The Time

Sherry–“I wish the rain would stop just once.”
Eric–“It can’t rain all the time.”

A friend of mine came to me with some problems recently and I had to share this quote. It’s crazy that such a positive statement can come out of such a dark movie, but it’s so true.

It can’t rain all the time.

It’s rained a lot in my life. I’ve had short rainstorms, long lingering storms, and monsoon-type floods that sometimes I thought were going to drown me. Luckily, I’ve always been blessed to always have someone willing to throw me a life-preserver when I needed it.

I kept that quote with me all the time. No matter what was going on, eventually it would have to stop raining and the sun would come back. It just had to. I had to have faith.

And you know what? It does. And I love to bask in the sun when it does.

Rain is necessary. You can’t appreciate the sun fully unless you’ve been cold, shivering, drenched, sometimes miserable. It sucks, but it’s true.

It’s sunny in my life right now, and I’m so very thankful. Will it stay that way? Of course not. But when the rain comes, I’m going to remember….

It can’t rain all the time.

Peace!
I’m out!

Seasons Change

“Seasons change
People change”

Last year, I made a photo collage for the place I work. It is full of so many memories. Everyone now and then someone will go and browse, they’ll point and laugh, tell a little story about what is going on in that picture.

I was working recently and it was a little slow. I was scanning the pictures and it struck me how there were a few people in the collage that were so prominent in our lives that weren’t present now. For whatever reasons, they had drifted out of our life and onto something else.

It made me think of the song, “Seasons Change”, and how true that is. Seasons change, feelings change, people change. Relationships and friendships are that way. Some people drift away, some people stay constant, and some drift in a and out on the tides.

And as individuals we change. Sometimes we change for the best, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes how we change affects those relationships. Sometimes it’s that change that causes people to come in, or out, of our lives. Sometimes people come back, sometimes they don’t.

And the seasons of our life change. I lived my seasons backwards. I never do anything the way most people do. I married early, had a child early, divorced early, then went back and lived an unspent youth. I was living this “season” when most people I knew were getting married, having kids, some divorcing, some not.

We have to change and we have to be able to accept change, otherwise we become stagnant and bitter. And I feel another season coming on. What that season is, I really have no clue. I’ve already done everything most people have done at my age, and I’m too young to retire. Nor am I all that interested in a second marriage or second family.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s the “Season of the Queen.” The season I start taking care of me, my wants, my dreams. Hmmmmmm. I think that sounds like a damn good idea. No more Queen Sooner DAY. This could be the beginning of an entire season of celebrating myself and what I hold most dear.

I think I have a plan. 🙂

For now, I’m off to find myself a good cup of coffee and enjoy the quiet of the morning. I may even sit outside and watch the sun come up.

New day, new season?

Sounds awesome to me.

Peace! I’m out.

Dumped

“This just isn’t working….I’m moving out.”

I blinked through my Demerol induced haze from a tooth extraction the day before and struggled to make his words make sense. It didn’t take too long before I realized that I was being dumped.

Dumped. The word sounded about as bad as it felt. As in, I took a dump. Dump truck. That place looks like a dump.

This was the first time I’d been dumped in a long time. First of all, I’d been single for quite a few years before I got together with him. Second of all, I’d been the one to leave in all but one of my other relationships and that one wasn’t really a relationship. It had lasted less than six months.

Thirty four years old and never really been dumped. I guess now was the time.

So, what did I do?

I drank. And I drank. And then I drank some more. Luckily, I was on vacation at the time and didn’t have to worry about work the next day. Or unluckily, considering that I didn’t have to worry about work. Depends on how you look at it, I guess.

Finally, I sobered up…you can’t stay drunk forever. Plus, I had some really good friends who would’ve kicked my ass if I wallowed in drunken self-pity for too long. And besides, I’ve never done self-pity well.

I started resuming my life. I finally went back to the grocery store where we shopped. I finally watched the morning show that had always been playing when we got ready for work. And I finally stopped sleeping on the sofa and slept in my room.

And I lived.

And I started noticing all the wonderful aspects of single life. I took off on a moment’s notice and went to a concert, a concert my ex probably wouldn’t have been interested in. I hogged the covers. I slept sideways in the bed. I ate Chef Boyardee out of the little microwavable bowl for dinner. I discovered Yoga. And I realized that even though I had lost one friend, the friendships I did have grew stronger, and I even gained new friends. I guess that old cliche’ is correct. When one door closes, another one opens.

I’m spending a lot more time on me now. Spending a lot more time by myself. It’s almost like a caterpillar entering a cocoon. I’m dieting, working out, enhancing my physical appearance. But I’m also working on me. What is it I want? That’s something I haven’t thought about it a loooooong time. I’ve given so much to others that I haven’t spent enough time on me. Eventually, I’ll emerge from this stage of my life a littler wiser and with shiny new wings! I’ll be a butterfly. 🙂

It’s going to be my very own Eat, Pray, Love. But without the carbs and the travel.
For now, I’m out.
Peace!

I Give Up! Or Not.

Being a transplant to South Louisiana, I’ve always had a difficult time with Lent. Where I grew up, there weren’t many Catholics. In fact, I can’t think of one person I knew that was Catholic until I moved here. I never understood Lent. I simply thought it was a time to repent after the debauchery of Mardi Gras.

In the years I’ve lived here, I’ve come to more fully understand the Catholic faith. I even started taking Catholic classes. I think “classes” is a bit of an exaggeration, I think I attended ONE class, until I found out that whole process ended in a public baptism and that did not appeal to me at all. So, that was that.

I have embraced parts of the Catholic faith. I love the quiet reflection, being alone with your thoughts to offer up prayers or meditations. It’s how I’ve started my days for the last few years. It’s a little bit of peace and quiet before the chaos of work, home, and life in general.

But, back to Lent, I’ve tried to give up something every year for Lent. I’ve tried beer, carbs, red meat, you name it. I’ve never made it until the end. This is probably because I’ve never really took it as seriously as I should. I think I’ve done it because I thought it was a good idea.

I’m going to try something new this year. I’m going to give back something rather than give up something. I’ve never been good at self-deprival anyway. As soon as I tell myself that I can’t have something, my mind instantly fixates on that one thing until I become borderline OCD.

I’ve already been trying to give back in small ways by doing “small things”. I’m just going to be like Emeril and “kick it up a notch”. I’m going to keep doing the small things I’m doing, throwing a few cans into the local Food Bank basket every week, and trying to encourage my students to do small things. But, I’m going to brainstorm new things to do.

I read an article yesterday (see below) that confirmed what I’ve already been thinking. In these times of recession and unemployment, it is really a time to give back rather than give up. So many have had to give up that those of us that do have should give back.

So, my goal for the next 39 days is to give back, not give up.

After all, doesn’t a benevolent Queen keep in mind the needs of others? (Oh yeah, I rolled my eyes at myself on that one.)

For now, I’m off to figure out what to do with the rest of my day. I love vacations!

Peace!

Queen Out

For those of you interested in learning more about Lent, or haven’t figured out what you want to give up or give back. Here are some resources I’ve found….

http://www.christiantoday.com/article/christians.encouraged.to.give.rather.than.give.up.this.lent/25313.htm

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1BtbnM/learnthis.ca/2010/02/100-ways-to-serve-others/

A Lenten Reflection
Give up complaining——focus on gratitude.
Give up pessimism——become an optimist.
Give up harsh judgments——think kindly thoughts.
Give up worry——trust Divine Providence.
Give up discouragement——be full of hope.
Give up bitterness——turn to forgiveness.
Give up hatred——return good for evil.
Give up negativism——be positive.
Give up anger——be more patient.
Give up pettiness——become mature.
Give up gloom——enjoy the beauty that is all around you.
Give up jealousy——pray for trust.
Give up gossiping——control your tongue.
Give up sin——turn to virtue.
Give up giving up——hang in there!

Click to access quoteslent1.pdf

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The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

“Sometimes you have to go through the dirtiest and the ugliest things to appreciate the good things in life.”

I heard this quote last night from one of my friends while having a few beers, and it immediately it made me stop, cock my head to one side, and contemplate.

What a profound statement.  It seems alcohol makes us great philosophers sometimes.

I’ve heard this quote in various forms, but never with the “dirtiest” and “ugliest”.  It made me think of all the “dirty” and “ugly” things I’ve been through, and how I see life these days.

How do I see life these days?

I try to find the good in every day. Sometimes it’s difficult, but after a moment of reflection, I stop and think “it could be worse”. And immediately, I can find something good.

It’s all those things that have made me who I am. It’s the good, the good friends, my family, my job, that make me happy. It’s the bad and the ugly, the loss of family, of friends, that makes me stronger, but also makes me appreciate the days I have, the people I have.

Maybe it’s like a grittier version of the “Facts of Life”. You take the good, you take, the bad, and there you’ve got the facts of life.”  Or something like that. I wasn’t a fan of that show.  Apparently.

And maybe that’s Queen Alisha’s Guideline to Life #2. Life is the total package, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Live through the bad, survive to appreciate the good.

For now, the Queen is off to celebrate the last day of Mardi Gras.

Definitely, the good.

Peace!

Queen Out!

Queen Alisha’s Guide to Life

Hear ye! Hear ye! After many months of bouncing from one subject to another, I have decided to focus my writing on one topic. What’s that topic?

Queen Alisha’s Guide to Life.

Even the title of my blog is changing to reflect this change.  I’m becoming the Prince of blogging. Well, maybe not that extreme, but my blog will now be titled, “Queen Alisha’s Guide to Life….The blog formerly known as Groovy Kind of Life.”

I’ll still write about some of the same old things like music (I can’t ignore something that’s such a big part of who I am), South Louisiana, and the random topic that strikes my fancy. But, my main focus will be on my New Year’s Resolution to treat myself and have other’s treat me like a Queen.

A Queen.

Not a doormat.

Not a diva.

Not a bitch.

What is a Queen? I found this definition of a Queen on a website this morning and I thought it pretty much fits the definition of what I am trying to achieve.

The Queen

The Queen is the part of us that attempts to establish lawful order and moral virtue by focusing on relationships and by nurturing, encouraging, and protecting the individuality and authority of others. Our Queen addresses social problems and issues with warm, loving, merciful, and forgiving feelings toward otherness. The primary characteristics of the Queen are (1) benevolent feeling, or caring, and (2) shared authority.                          http://www.souljourney.net/archetypestudies/queen.html

Basically, it’s the mature version of Tart, the alter ego I clung to during my misspent youth.  Not quite so selfish, not quite so reckless.

I’m a little older and a little wiser.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s still a lot of Tart left in me. I still love good drinks, nights out on the town, and throwing caution to the wind every now and then. That part of me will always be there. But eventually, we all have to grow up and become who we are meant to be.

Besides, Tart still wants to travel and have a house that befits her new Queen status. Tart can’t have that if she’s throwing her money away on drinks and nights out on the town.

Priorities.

And a good Queen knows how to prioritize.

So, for the most part, my blogs will be about my year of living like a Queen.  And what the hell, if I have a good time with it, I’ll continue after the year is over.

It IS my blog. And I AM the Queen, after all.

For now, I’m off to cook some dinner and feed my royal subjects and get ready for the first Mardi Gras parade in our town.

Maybe I can find a tiara before the parade……..

Hmmmmmm……..

Here’s to living the Queen life, and Carnival time in South Louisiana.

Peace!

I’m out!

Top Five of ’09

I was reading through some of my blog subscriptions earlier today. That’s one of my favorite things to do on a Sunday. I can get caught up on some of my favorite bloggers, and I can get some ideas of writing ideas for the next week.

Stephouse Lifehack posted a blog recently on their top blog posts. I thought that would be a great idea. I’ve acquired a few new subscribers recently so maybe a little walk down memory lane with some of my older and more popular posts is in order.  So, here we go. Here are my “Top Five Posts of ’09”

1. “Guys, Tattoo, and Anne Rice”

I never thought that one would be as popular as it has been. That is actually my top post of all time, not just for 2009. It does have one of my favorite quotes ever, a quote from Anne Rice’s Queen of the Damned.

2. “Tribute to New Orleans”

Surprisingly enough, this blog is actually a shout-out to another blog. Just goes to show how networking can add readers to your blogs.

3.  “Happy Endings and Unfinished Stories”

This is one of many blogs inspired by one of my good friend Cowboy and how his little nuggets of down-to-earth wisdom keeps me grounded and growing.

4.” You Take the Breath Right Out of Me”

https://soonergirl.wordpress.com/2008/08/21/you-take-the-breath-right-out-of-me/

I’ve always been inspired by music and lyrics, and this is just one of the examples of one of my musical blogs. This one is about that one love that just drives you crazy. And not in a good way. It leaves you banging your head against the wall, and wondering just when you lost your mind.

5.” Do These Shoes Make Me Look Fat?”

https://soonergirl.wordpress.com/2008/06/24/do-these-shoes-make-me-look-fat/

A humorous look at body image and how we perceive ourselves…

That’s it. That’s my “Top Five for ’09”.  Hope you enjoy!

I’m off to check out some more blogs! Thanks so much for checking out mine!

Peace! I’m out!

*To see the blog that inspired this blog, see below.*

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/the-90-best-lifehacks-of-2009-the-year-in-review.html

That Was Then

This weekend we acquired a Wii. After two days of Wii Bowling and Wii Golf, the adult members of our household had to take a break yesterday. This is mainly because we are old and out of shape. Our bodies were protesting in parts that we had forgotten existed.

So, I decided to head up to the little hangout by my house yesterday to see what was going on. One of my favorite regulars was there so I made my way over to sit with him, easing into my chair. He asks me if we partied for New Year’s, and I told him we had gotten the Wii and we were so busy with that we lost track of time and almost missed New Years.

He looks at me funny, cocks his head and says, “Alisha, I didn’t know you did that.”

And then I realize that he thinks I said, “Weed”, not “Wiii”.
I burst out laughing because of course I’m not into that. So I explain to him that I meant the game system Wii. And we talk about that for awhile. He had heard about it before, but didn’t realize how physical it is. And we discuss what a good thing it is for kids these days to get them active.

He tells me that he got an email recently about a dad who said he punished his kid and made him go play outside. And I had thought this before, but it really hit home how different things are from when my generation grew up. Even a little different from when my son was growing up.

When I was growing up, going outside wasn’t punishment, it was something you just did.

In fact, in the summertime, you played outside because it was cooler outside than it was inside. You found a big tree with lots of shade and you found something to do. The only rules I remember was, be in the yard before dark, and if mom yells for you, then you better be within hearing range and your rear end better be scooting toward your home soon.

Of course, I grew up in a very small town where everyone knew everybody. And if you were doing something wrong, your phone was ringing before you even made it home.

Twenty years later, we’re buying game systems for our kids to keep them active. Nintendo and Super Mario Bros have come a loooong way baby!

But have WE? Good question. And definitely something to think about.

Something I will ponder later.

For now, I’m off to be as lazy as possible on my last day of Christmas Break.

Peace! I’m out!