Where Have all The Good Men Gone?

This is why I’m still Single #2


Where have all the good men gone?

They’re not on any online dating sites, that I can assure you.

Granted, two of my friends found love online, and I’m extraordinarily happy for them. And I did find one guy worth dating, but that was many years ago. Since then, what have I found?

*The guy who wanted to take me to meet his parents after we met for a drink.

*The guy who wanted to bring his mom on our first date.

*The guy who raised dogs and drowned the puppies that weren’t worth anything.

*Or how about the guy with anger management issues who wondered if his meds were working?

*I’ve met every player and wanna-be-player in the parish. The guys who impress you by taking you some place really great on a first date, then for the second date they want you to come to their place and watch a movie. Uh, huh, right.

*On the flip-side of the player, what about Mr. Too Ready to Commit? The guy who calls five times a day, just to see what you’re doing?

Yep, I’ve found them all.

Where are the normal guys? I do have many guy friends, and most are normal. Well, pretty normal. If they were truly normal they wouldn’t be my friends. I’ll take semi-normal. I know those guys are out there.

At this point, I’d rather sit through a speech by Barack Obama than endure another dinner and a movie.

Is it just me, or did dating seem so much simpler in our twenties? In our twenties, we met someone, felt a spark, and Presto! We’re in a relationship. In our thirties, it seems so much harder. We meet someone, hope for a spark, and when it doesn’t flame up, we start all over again. Do we tend to over think things? Or again, is that just me?

Right now, it would take more than dinner and a movie to impress me. Be original. My favorite first date was dinner and a drive out to the lake. The stars were shining, the moon reflected off the water, the sounds of the waves and the night insects were the music. A few years later, I almost married that guy. Apparently, originality goes a long way.

Maybe it’s not just someone normal, maybe I’m just looking for that guy that stands out. The guy willing to go that extra mile to impress me.

After all, am I not worthy of an extra mile?

I AM Queen Alisha.

Hehehe.

For now, I’m going to do some castle cleaning and enjoy yet another day off.

Here’s to the good men out there! I know you’re there somewhere!

Cheers!

I’m out!

Seasons Change

“Seasons change
People change”

Last year, I made a photo collage for the place I work. It is full of so many memories. Everyone now and then someone will go and browse, they’ll point and laugh, tell a little story about what is going on in that picture.

I was working recently and it was a little slow. I was scanning the pictures and it struck me how there were a few people in the collage that were so prominent in our lives that weren’t present now. For whatever reasons, they had drifted out of our life and onto something else.

It made me think of the song, “Seasons Change”, and how true that is. Seasons change, feelings change, people change. Relationships and friendships are that way. Some people drift away, some people stay constant, and some drift in a and out on the tides.

And as individuals we change. Sometimes we change for the best, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes how we change affects those relationships. Sometimes it’s that change that causes people to come in, or out, of our lives. Sometimes people come back, sometimes they don’t.

And the seasons of our life change. I lived my seasons backwards. I never do anything the way most people do. I married early, had a child early, divorced early, then went back and lived an unspent youth. I was living this “season” when most people I knew were getting married, having kids, some divorcing, some not.

We have to change and we have to be able to accept change, otherwise we become stagnant and bitter. And I feel another season coming on. What that season is, I really have no clue. I’ve already done everything most people have done at my age, and I’m too young to retire. Nor am I all that interested in a second marriage or second family.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s the “Season of the Queen.” The season I start taking care of me, my wants, my dreams. Hmmmmmm. I think that sounds like a damn good idea. No more Queen Sooner DAY. This could be the beginning of an entire season of celebrating myself and what I hold most dear.

I think I have a plan. 🙂

For now, I’m off to find myself a good cup of coffee and enjoy the quiet of the morning. I may even sit outside and watch the sun come up.

New day, new season?

Sounds awesome to me.

Peace! I’m out.

Dumped

“This just isn’t working….I’m moving out.”

I blinked through my Demerol induced haze from a tooth extraction the day before and struggled to make his words make sense. It didn’t take too long before I realized that I was being dumped.

Dumped. The word sounded about as bad as it felt. As in, I took a dump. Dump truck. That place looks like a dump.

This was the first time I’d been dumped in a long time. First of all, I’d been single for quite a few years before I got together with him. Second of all, I’d been the one to leave in all but one of my other relationships and that one wasn’t really a relationship. It had lasted less than six months.

Thirty four years old and never really been dumped. I guess now was the time.

So, what did I do?

I drank. And I drank. And then I drank some more. Luckily, I was on vacation at the time and didn’t have to worry about work the next day. Or unluckily, considering that I didn’t have to worry about work. Depends on how you look at it, I guess.

Finally, I sobered up…you can’t stay drunk forever. Plus, I had some really good friends who would’ve kicked my ass if I wallowed in drunken self-pity for too long. And besides, I’ve never done self-pity well.

I started resuming my life. I finally went back to the grocery store where we shopped. I finally watched the morning show that had always been playing when we got ready for work. And I finally stopped sleeping on the sofa and slept in my room.

And I lived.

And I started noticing all the wonderful aspects of single life. I took off on a moment’s notice and went to a concert, a concert my ex probably wouldn’t have been interested in. I hogged the covers. I slept sideways in the bed. I ate Chef Boyardee out of the little microwavable bowl for dinner. I discovered Yoga. And I realized that even though I had lost one friend, the friendships I did have grew stronger, and I even gained new friends. I guess that old cliche’ is correct. When one door closes, another one opens.

I’m spending a lot more time on me now. Spending a lot more time by myself. It’s almost like a caterpillar entering a cocoon. I’m dieting, working out, enhancing my physical appearance. But I’m also working on me. What is it I want? That’s something I haven’t thought about it a loooooong time. I’ve given so much to others that I haven’t spent enough time on me. Eventually, I’ll emerge from this stage of my life a littler wiser and with shiny new wings! I’ll be a butterfly. 🙂

It’s going to be my very own Eat, Pray, Love. But without the carbs and the travel.
For now, I’m out.
Peace!

Listen to Me!

A few days ago, I was talking to my bf about a problem I’d observed between some friends of mine. This was not a problem anyone could solve, but I was concerned because they were my friends.

So, I talked to my bf about it.

“Okay, Alisha, what do you want me to do about it?” he asks me. And I look at him like he hadn’t the slightest clue as to what I’d been talking about for the last fifteen minutes.

What do I do?

I start explaining the whole situation ALL over again. Because apparently, he had not been listening. I finish explaining, “Alisha, what do you want me to do?” he asks me again.

Now, to say that I’m peeved is an understatement. Obviously for thirty minutes now, he has not heard a single word I’ve said. There is no solution to the problem I’m talking about.

So, I take a deep breath and for the third time begin explaining again.

In the middle of my explanation, he interrupts me, “But Alisha WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!!??”

Now, I’m really mad because he’s interrupted me, he’s asked me the same question three times, and he’s NOT LISTENING!

“I just want you to LISTEN to me!” I tell him. But now, I’m mad and I don’t even want to talk about it anymore because obviously he doesn’t want to listen. And we’re fighting over a problem that doesn’t even have anything to do with us.

When I finally cooled off, I thought of a book I read a few months ago, Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps.

There’s a whole section dedicated to the difference between the ways men and women communicate. There’s even an example that goes a little like the one I just talked about. A wife and husband are sitting at the dinner table talking; she’s talking about her day. She says she slipped and broke a heel on her shoe. He tells her that she should’ve worn more sensible shoes on a rainy day.

Problem solved.

She then tells him that after slipping, breaking her heel, and getting it fixed; when she got to her car her back tire was flat. He tells her she needs to check the tire pressure more often.

Problem solved.

He thinks he’s being helpful and solving her problems. She’s mad because he’s interrupting her and NOT LISTENING!

My bf was listening. He was just trying to solve the problem.

I was frustrated because I thought he wasn’t listening.

Then I realized that maybe I should’ve been more upfront and said something like, “Babe, I have a problem I want to talk to you about. I don’t want a solution. I just want you to listen.” Maybe that’s something I’ll try next time.  I can say what I want to say, he can listen, and we can go about our merry way. At least until the next issue rears its ugly head.

We’ll see.

For now, I’m off to pick up Why Men Don’t Listen, and Women Can’t Read Maps again. Maybe I can get some more insights into how the male (and female) mind works, and why they work that way.  If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it.

Peace!

I’m out!

This Is What I Get for Reading

Recently I’ve recommited myself to losing weight.  Right now, in South Louisiana it’s waaay to hot to do my preferred form of exercise which is walking.  I’m too much of a girly-girl.  I don’t like to sweat.

 

So, I’ve started riding my exercise bike. I’ve got one of those reclining bike things that you can read a magazine or a book on while you pedal away to your heart’s content, or your legs give out.  Whichever happens first.

I’m a big fan of personal growth books.  I love to read books about relationships, money matters, etc.  And yesterday, I just happened to pick up the Love Smart book by Dr. Phil. Of course, I’m not really looking for a new relationship.  I’m quite content with the one I’ve got, but the last couple of chapters are about how to keep your relationship from becoming stagnant.

I’m reading through the chapter and one of the techniques he lists for keeping your relationship healthy is to write love notes to each other. Okay.  Seems like a good idea to me.  I haven’t been cheesy and done something like write a love note in years. 

So, I whip out my pen and paper and write something up real quick.  I have to go into work and we’ve planned to bbq later in the evening so I leave the note with his name on it and smiley faces on it on top of the bbq stuff and later head to work.

He comes to meet me at work, thanks me for the note, calls me “SuperCheese” and we head home.

We start getting the stuff ready to bbq and something catches my eye on the ceiling.  It’s a HUGE bug.  South Louisiana doesn’t have regular size bugs, they have these things that look like they belong on a sci-fi movie.  It looks big enough to grab up a chair and join us at the table.  It looks like something Ian will have to take a bat to to get rid of.

“Kill it, Ian!” I tell him.

He reaches on the counter, grabs the love note I’ve written him and begins to try to kill this predator that has taken up residence on our ceiling.

I’m looking at him like he’s lost his mind. He kills the bug, and looks at me triumphantly. 

“What?” he looks at me, his smile fading as he realizes I’m unhappy.

“You used my letter to kill that bug.”

“And?  What else was I supposed to use?”

I look down at the sandals I had discarded as I’d entered the house. “How about a shoe?”

“I can’t win with you, can I?”

I look at him, THAT look still on my face.

“Ugh, Alisha, stop being such a…a…a….WOMAN!”

Now, I can’t do anything but laugh. What else was I supposed to be?

I guess it’s true.  Men really are from Mars and women are really from Venus.

He was happy to be the hero, to save me from the evil creature on the ceiling.  I was upset because of his use of weapon.  How many times has this scenario played out over the centuries?

Caveman:  “Man bring home sabertooth tiger for family.  Food.”

Cavewoman: “Did you really have to kill it that way?  Poor thing.  Did it suffer?”

Caveman:  Ugh.

Knight:  “I’ve come to rescue you fair maiden, from the enemy.”

Fair Maiden (as she looks around at the fallen captors around her):  “You expect me to walk through that?”

Knight:  Ugh.

20th Century Fisherman to Girlfriend: “Okay now. Reel the fish in reallll slow.”

Girlfriend reels in the fish real slow, gets it to the bank. “Throw it back.”

Fisherman:  “What?”

Girlfriend:  “Throw it back.  He looks like he’s suffering.”

Fisherman:  Ugh.

See what I mean?

Something tells me things aren’t likely to change anytime soon either.  🙂

Peace!

I’m out!

Happy Endings and Unfinished Stories

I remember when I was writing All I Want and I wrote a blog/entry about knowing what I would do with a relationship if I found one.  I compared my hunt to my dog Sammie’s hunt for lizards.  She spends hour after hour, day after day, on the hunt for lizards.  Now, I’m quite sure I know that Sammie DOESN’T know what she’s going to do with that lizard if she finds it. 

Much like I didn’t know what to do with my relationship when I found it.  Or it found me.  Or we found each other. I can’t say we met and fell in love because that’s not how it happened.  In a very When Harry Met Sally kind of way, we had known each other for awhile before the thought of a relationship even crossed our minds.  And I’m not sure it ever really crossed our minds. 

I remember one night thinking, “I think he wants to kiss me.” 

And a couple nights later, he did.

I’d like to add the old cliche’ in “and we were inseparable ever since.”

But, I can’t.  We were inseparable before that, our relationship simply was. 

We did go through that rose colored glass phase, the wart phase, and the Alisha’s freaking out because she’s in a relationship phase. (Yes, that is a phase….one that has caused the tanking of several relationships)

That’s also the same phase as “Alisha’s In A Relationship and Doesn’t Know What to Do With it Phase.”

Luckily, with a lot of communication, compromise, and ALOT of patience, we’ve been able to make it through my neurotic phase as well.  Well, until the next one pops up. Which one would that be?  Hell if I know, I don’t think I’ve ever made it this far in a relationship.  This is a WHOLE new ballgame for me.

Cowboy made me think of my book again.  He just loves it that he has a starring role, and he brings it up every now and then. He asked if my bf had read the book.  I was like, “Ummm….No. I really don’t think he wants to either.” And considering the content, I’m probably right.

Cowboy said I needed to add my bf into my book to give it a happy ending.  For a while, I thought about it.  But, while I was pondering it, Cowboy said to the bartender, “There are no happy endings, only unfinished stories.” 

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how profound that statement was.  How much like it was like one of my favorite lines in any novel was, “All endings are actually beginnings” or something like that from The Five People You Meet in Heaven.

I thought about it while we were at the bar. 

I thought about it when we went to Cowboy’s to meet Cowboy.  When I thought of how I had gone to meet Cowboy there because I had such a huge crush on him.  When he had put his arm around me and I wondered if it meant something.

When I dancing with my bf (I really need to come up with an alias for him).  And watching Cowboy dance with other girls. 

When we had to keep our friend from going to get “Buckethead”.  (That’s a WHOLE other story.)

I thought of how right he was.  I can’t say that there was a happy ending with Cowboy.  There was never an ending.  The story simply changed.  It’s unfinished.

Just like me and my bf are unfinished.  A happy ending is still an ending.  And we haven’t ended.  Just like me and Cowboy, our stories have simply changed.

Happy beginnings?  Yes.  Happy adventures?  Yes.  Happy lessons learnd?  Yes. Yes. Yes.

But happy endings?  Definitely not.

Maybe there are no happy endings, maybe they should be called happy beginnings.

“All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time…”….from The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom.

For now, I’m off to do some more writing.  Who knows, maybe it’s time to dust off that query letter for All I Want and submit it one more time.  🙂

Peace, ya’ll!

I’m out!

Relationships

I remember a post I wrote a long time ago about my dog Sammie. Sammie loves to hunt outside. She will spend hours outside with her nose to the ground hunting something. I’ve gone outside I don’t know how many times trying to figure out what it is that she was hunting. I’ve never figured it out. And I don’t think Sammie has either. At one time I compared my hunt for a relationship to Sammie’s search. I was searching for something but not quite sure what it was, and not quite sure what I would do with it if I ever caught it.
 
And it’s true.
 
Like Sammie, I was unsure of what it is I was looking for, and I was unsure of what to do with it when I found it. And it’s been a little bit of an adjustment to me lately while I’ve had to figure out just what it is I want to do with this relatively new relationship I’ve found myself in.
 
Relationships are not easy. I told someone the other day that being in a relationship is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Ironically enough.  I never thought that being single would be easier. But it is.  Is it better? It depends. In my case? It’s not. A good relationship is worth it.
This idea was reiterated when I heard someone say that you choose to love someone and you choose to stay in a relationship. She said that sometimes she thought it would be much easier to walk away than stay and work it out. This was coming from someone who had been in a relationship with the same person for years. 
 
I was hanging out with some friends of mine the other night, and one of my friends told me that she had never seen me look as good as I did that night. And I attributed a little of that to my relationship. She did too. I’m going to be cheesy for a moment and say that it’s been a long time since I’ve been this happy.
 
Yes, relationships are hard work, but a good relationship is worth it. It takes good communication, a lot of trust, and a willingness to compromise.  And maybe the hardest thing for me is that willingness to compromise. For a long time, I’ve had the attitude of “it’s my way or the highway” but that doesn’t work in a relationship. And it’s probably one of the harder lessons I’ve had to learn.
 
It’s about priorities. You make that person a priority and they do the same for you.
 
It’s quite refreshing actually.
 
And worth the effort when the effort is returned. 🙂
 
Here’s to great relationships and spring break and Easter! Let us not forget the true reason for this holiday!
 
Peace! 
 
I’m out!

You Might Want Some Wine With This Cheese Part II

Well, five days until Valentine’s Day. It’s a perfect day to continue my cheesy love songs post. And speaking of Valentine’s Day gifts, what are some of your favorite gifts you’ve received, or even given for that matter? As of right now, I have no clue what I’m getting for my Valentine. And if I did, I wouldn’t post it. Who knows which of my posts he reads. If he reads any of them at all. J
Hmmmm…… I guess I have some thinking/shopping to do……

For now, I’ll continue my Top Ten Cheesy Song List

5. “Crazy for You” by Madonna


“Trying hard to control my heart
I walk over to where you are
Eye to eye we need no words at all
Slowly now we begin to move
Every breath I’m deeper into you
Soon we two are standing still in time
If you read my mind, you’ll see “
Puh-leeeze…Does this really happen? And yet, I still know every one of these lyrics.

4. “Hero” by Enrique Iglesias
“(Whispered) Let me be your hero

Would you dance if I asked you to dance?
Would you run and never look back
Would you cry if you saw me crying
Would you save my soul tonight?
Would you tremble if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh oh please tell me these
Now would you die for the one you love?
Hold me in your arms tonight?”
This is the only song on my list that truly makes me want to hurl with it’s over-top-sugary-sweetness. Would I tremble if he touched my lips? ROFL….. Jeesh.
3. “From Here to Eternity” by Michael Peterson
“I saved a year for this ring
I can’t wait to see
How it looks on your hand
I’ll give you everything that one woman needs
From a one woman man
I’ll be strong I’ll be tender a man of my word
I will be yours.”
Now, this one is a little less well known than the others, but omygod it always makes me sappy. I think I even tear up a little. Well, maybe I exaggerate just a little. But it always gets an “Awwwww” outta me.

2. “To Make You Feel My Love” by Garth Brooks
“When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven’t made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I’ve known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I’d go hungry, I’d go blind for you
I’d go crawling down the aisle for you
There ain’t nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love”
Every time I hear this song I think of Harry Connick, Jr. in Hope Floats. That man can feel my love any day.  But, is it cheezy? “I’d go hungry, I’d go blind for you?” Yep. That’s pretty darn cheezy.

1. “Open Arms” by Journey


“Living without you, living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you, wanting you near
How much I wanted you home

But now that you’ve come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay”
There’s no way you can have any kind of top love song list without including this song. Cheesy or not. It is simply one of the best love songs there is. In my opinion anyway, and it’s my list so there. You can’t help but get a little starry eyed when you hear those first few notes on the piano and Steve Perry starts with….”Lying beside you, here in the dark, feeling your heartbeat with mine….” Everyone who knows this song and loves it is singing it by the time it gets to “So now I’ll come to you…..”
I think that would make the hardest heart melt, if only just a little bit. J

And that concludes Alisha’s Top Ten Cheesiest Songs.

Feel free to disagree. Feel free to add your own. J

For now, I’m off to burn me a cheezy song CD.

Here’s to Valentine’s Day, cheese, and great music. Well, except for the “Hero” song.
Cheers!
I’m out!

You Might Want Some Wine With This Cheese Part I

Ahhhh…..Valentine’s Day…..
The stores are already stocking the roses, soft cuddly teddy bears, the chocolate, the sweet and sappy cards.
And my usually well controlled cheesy side is running rampant. I have stars in my eyes. I sigh at the silly romantic commercials (Every kiss begins with Kay). It’s just downright ridiculous.
I’m a sap. I’ll admit it. I can’t help myself.
I guess there could be worse things I can be.
So, to satisfy my sappy side, I’ve decided to dedicate this blog to Valentine’s Day and romance in general.
How?
Another one of my musical blogs. 🙂
This one?
Alisha’s Top Ten Sappiest Songs
Here’s a look at the first five.

10. “This Year’s Love” by David Gray
“This years love had better last
Heaven knows it’s high time
And I’ve been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can’t go on”
Cheeeeezzzzzzzyyyyyyyyy.

9. “She’s Got A Way” by Billy Joel
I must be a sucker for simple vocals accompanied by piano.
“She comes to me when I’m feelin’ down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me and I get turned around
She’s got a way of showin’
How I make her feel
And I find the strength to keep on goin’
She’s got a light around her
And ev’rywhere she goes a million
Dreams of love surround her ev’rewhere”

 

  

8. “Look at You Girl” by Chris Ledoux
Chris Ledoux was highly underrated in my opinion. This is probably one of the simplest and sweetest love songs ever.
“Just look at you, girl
Standin here beside me
Starlight on your hair
Lookin like a dream I dreamed somewhere”

7. “Hypnotize the Moon” by Clay Walker
Country music is synonymous with sap. The song and the video have always been favorites of mine.
“You better run for cover
You better hide your heart
‘Cause once you start to love her
You know you’ll never stop
She shines like a diamond
When she walks into a room
She could charm the stars
Hypnotize the moon.”

6. “Total Eclipse of the Heart”
“Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I’m lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit angry and I know I’ve got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes”


Um…..yep…..cheeeezzzzzyyyyyyyyyy…….
And the list continues…..My next blog will be the top five sappiest songs. Feel free to add your suggestions.
For now, I’m off to get get some stuff done before we head to see Jr. Melancon play today in Scott. No Whiskey River today my friends, me, Ian, and the Sunday crew are breaking out and checking out something new.
Here’s to sappy music and Sunday afternoons.
Cheers!
I’m out!

Love at First Sight?

 

I was reading one of my cheesy romances the other day. You know the formula….girl meets boy, sparks fly, they fight, realize they’re made for each other and live happily ever after.

These were some of the first books I ever read, and I really think they warped my mind. I think I read so many of them I thought this was how relationships were supposed to work out.

So for years, I’ve searched for sparks. I’ve searched high and low for that love at first sight feeling, those butterflies, all that stuff. I’ve been convinced that people are fated to be together and when you meet that certain someone you JUST KNOW.

Maybe that does happen. I don’t know. I’ve never experienced love at first sight. And certainly none of my best relationships have come from this. My best relationships (including my current one) have not been love at first sight.
Were (and are, I guess) there sparks? Of course.
But, I think the sparks came (come) from really knowing someone. At least for me. I LOVE dependability. I thrive on it. And I’m at my happiest in a relationship when I’m with someone I know and trust.

Love at first sight?

Maybe lust.

Not love.

I think that’s for the movies, and for the cheesy romances. Will I keep watching these movies, keep reading these cheesy romances? Of course.

Just because I no longer really believe in love at first sight doesn’t mean I don’t believe in romance.

Those are two entirely different things. 🙂

And the most romantic holiday of all is coming up.

What will I be doing this year for Valentine’s Day?

It’s still early, but I already know, I’ll be spending my Valentine’s Day at the Rio parade. My absolute favorite Mardi Gras parade. Well, except for the Endymion parade in New Orleans.

For now, I’m off to rest and relax and read some more cheesy romances. 🙂
Here’s to love at second sight?
Cheers!