thoughts

Have MYSELF a Merry Little Christmas

/ A.L. Vincent / 2 Comments

A few years ago I started this quest. All I wanted for Christmas was a real good man. How silly of me to think that I could find such a thing in such a short time. Not that I don’t think there are good men out there. I know there are good men. I just can’t seem to find MY good man.

 

I remember when I was on this quest to find a good man and I sent out a test text with a Happy Thanksgiving message. I analyzed, journaled, and analyzed again the responses I got. Man, I spent waaaaay too much time on that. Of course I didn’t get a response from the one person I wanted. That would’ve been too easy. My book would’ve been written. Or finished, anyway. 

 

Four years later, the book is still pretty much unfinished. I still haven’t found my real good man. And at this point, I’ve really stopped looking. I’ve been through the All I Want for Christmas is The Right Man, All I Want for Christmas is No Man, and this year, I’ve decided that All I Want for Christmas is ME.

 

In the last few years, I’ve been to hell and back multiple times. Now, I just want to enjoy the calm after so many storms. I want to sit on my porch with my dogs, a cup of coffee, and a good book. I want to enjoy time with the multitude of friends I’m so blessed to have. I want to be thankful that I have a job I love going to again, with all it’s new challenges and new responsibilities.

 

That’s what I want for Christmas. Not a man. I want to have MYSELF a merry little Christmas. I want to take small moments every day to appreciate myself, my new life I’ve created for myself (without a man), and my many blessings.

 

That’s the best Christmas present I can think of. The Queen finally treating HERSELF like the Queen she is. 🙂

 

For now, I’m out! I have a porch, a cup of coffee, and a good book calling my name.

 

Peace!

 

 

 

Giving Thanks

/ A.L. Vincent / Leave a comment

It’s that time of year again….No, I’m not talking about turkey, I’m talking about thinking about what it is that we’re thankful for. What am I thankful for?

1. Being happier this year than I was last year. I’m happier with my surroundings, with my job, with MYSELF….

2. The wonderful friends and family I have that helped me achieve #1…

So, that my friends, is what I’m thankful for the most this year. For now, I’m off to enjoy a good glass of wine and a day of pampering myself.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I’m out!

Where Have all The Good Men Gone?

/ A.L. Vincent / 2 Comments

This is why I’m still Single #2


Where have all the good men gone?

They’re not on any online dating sites, that I can assure you.

Granted, two of my friends found love online, and I’m extraordinarily happy for them. And I did find one guy worth dating, but that was many years ago. Since then, what have I found?

*The guy who wanted to take me to meet his parents after we met for a drink.

*The guy who wanted to bring his mom on our first date.

*The guy who raised dogs and drowned the puppies that weren’t worth anything.

*Or how about the guy with anger management issues who wondered if his meds were working?

*I’ve met every player and wanna-be-player in the parish. The guys who impress you by taking you some place really great on a first date, then for the second date they want you to come to their place and watch a movie. Uh, huh, right.

*On the flip-side of the player, what about Mr. Too Ready to Commit? The guy who calls five times a day, just to see what you’re doing?

Yep, I’ve found them all.

Where are the normal guys? I do have many guy friends, and most are normal. Well, pretty normal. If they were truly normal they wouldn’t be my friends. I’ll take semi-normal. I know those guys are out there.

At this point, I’d rather sit through a speech by Barack Obama than endure another dinner and a movie.

Is it just me, or did dating seem so much simpler in our twenties? In our twenties, we met someone, felt a spark, and Presto! We’re in a relationship. In our thirties, it seems so much harder. We meet someone, hope for a spark, and when it doesn’t flame up, we start all over again. Do we tend to over think things? Or again, is that just me?

Right now, it would take more than dinner and a movie to impress me. Be original. My favorite first date was dinner and a drive out to the lake. The stars were shining, the moon reflected off the water, the sounds of the waves and the night insects were the music. A few years later, I almost married that guy. Apparently, originality goes a long way.

Maybe it’s not just someone normal, maybe I’m just looking for that guy that stands out. The guy willing to go that extra mile to impress me.

After all, am I not worthy of an extra mile?

I AM Queen Alisha.

Hehehe.

For now, I’m going to do some castle cleaning and enjoy yet another day off.

Here’s to the good men out there! I know you’re there somewhere!

Cheers!

I’m out!

The Songs of My Life #10

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#10 “Scars” by Papa Roach”

One of my good friends gave her students an assignment last year that had me salivating. The students were to create the soundtrack of their lives. They started with selecting songs that represented different parts of their lives then wrote short essays explaining their choices. I so wanted to be in her class! Lol. Combine music AND writing? It’s Alisha’s idea of nirvana. Well, that and Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp, and a can of whipped cream (or two), but I digress. As usual.

Since then, I’ve wondered what songs I would pick. I know I have a few in mind, but where do I begin? Do I begin in the beginning with “I was born”? Should I start at the end and work my way back? Or should I write in true Alisha fashion and bounce from song to song, time period to time period?

How about I begin with the present and start working my way back. And if I want to bounce around, well, I’ll just bounce around. It’s my writing. I’ll bounce if I want to.

I’ll start with “Scars” by Papa Roach.

“Alisha, can you……”

“Mom, I need…”

“Alisha, will you….”

“Mo-o-o-m, are you going to….”

“My weakness is that I care too much.”

I love to help people. I have taken in people who have no place to go. I’ve given money to people on the street. I’ve taken in just about every stray that’s crossed my path, human or animal. I’ve listened and tried to solve more problems than I can count or should be humanly possible.

What I’ve come to realize lately is when you become everyone else’s solver of problems, it leaves you with little time or energy to solve your own. Especially when some (not all) of those people who so depend on you to solve their problems or be there for them are not always there when you need someone yourself. It can become very one-sided.

“Go fix yourself.”

I’ve had a few days off lately and had some time to do some serious thinking. And sleeping (being everyone’s Superwoman can become exhausting.) I played hermit crab for two days. I realized that I’ve been giving too much of my energy away to those that don’t deserve it or don’t give back. And it’s something I’ve done all my life. I’ve got to let these people “go fix themselves”.

“I’m sorry but I’ve got to move on with my own life.”

This is the time for Queen Alisha. It’s time for me to be selfish. Time for me to take care of myself for a change. Time to concentrate on me and those that take time to take care of me in return. It’s time for me to get on with my own life.

It’s time.

Here’s to Papa Roach, “Scars”, and Queen Alisha

Cheers!

I’m out!

Better Than I Used to Be

/ A.L. Vincent / Leave a comment

Sunday, March, 20, 2011
29 days left
“I ain’t no angel
But I’ve been sitting out a few more dances with the devil.
And cleanin’ up my act little by little
I’m gettin there
I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be

I’ve pinned a lot of demons to the ground
Got a lot of old habits licked
But there’s still one or two I might need you to help me kick
Standin’ in the rain so long has left me with a little rust
But put some faith in me
Some day you’ll see there’s a diamond under all this dust.”
-from Sammy Kershaw’s “Better Than I Used to Be”

I heard this song months ago, and cannot get enough of it.
Sometimes music just speaks to you. And this song definitely speaks to me. I’ve definitely had times in my life like this. I’ve definitely had to kick a few bad habits and wrestle some demons to the ground.

I was watching Criminal Minds, Suspect Behavior the other night and the characters were talking right before the episode ended. They were talking about ghosts. One character asked the other what he did with his ghosts. That character told him, “I make mine fly in formation.”

Demons, bad habits, ghosts, it’s all the same thing.

It’s how we deal with them that make us who we are. Do we let these things control us? Do we control them? There’s time I’ve controlled mine, and times they’ve controlled me.

I definitely prefer making mine, “fly in formation.”

And that’s what makes us better than we used to be. We live, we learn, we grow, we make mistakes, we dust ourselves off and get back to the business of living.

Speaking of which, it’s time I get busy living mine.

Here’s to becoming better than I used to be!
Peace!
I’m out!

I’m Alisha…And I’m Still A Dating Idiot

/ A.L. Vincent / Leave a comment

Thursday, March 10th
39 days left.

Already I feel more successful than I did when I tried to find a man in forty days. It’s been like 4,000 days since I started that quest and I’m no closer to finding a good man than I was four years ago. Maybe not 4,000 days. Maybe it just seems like it’s been that long.

Four years later, I’m still a dating idiot. Hell, it’s been so long since I’ve been asked out on a real date, this is how one text conversation went recently.

Me: I had a good time hanging out the other night.
Friend: Me too. Maybe we should make a date of it.
Me: A date? Are you sure you have the right number?
Friend: Yes.
Me: You know who this is, right?
Friend: Yes.

See? I get asked out on an actual date, and I don’t even know what to answer. I’m still a dating idiot. Still single 4.000 days later. Give or take a few.
Let me refresh some memories……

There was the time I got into the WRONG truck after a concert. That was soooo not my fault. My keeper definitely wasn’t paying attention that night. I don’t know who was more scared, the guy who lost me, the guy who opened his truck door to find ME in there, or ME!!!

What about the guy who showed up at the WRONG restaurant? Yep. After I’d given directions at least ten times.

He says: Do I turn?
I say: No, stay on Johnston.
He says: What about here, do I turn here?
I say: No, stay on Johnston.
He says: Wait, are you sure I don’t turn?
I say: No, stay on Johnston.

Then, there was the guy who was the WRONG size. His poor little feet didn’t touch the ground, but his face sure touched a part of me on that goodbye hug. He must’ve liked that because while walking me to my car he invited me to meet his parents. In another state.

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

And I could go on. But then, I’d probably just be depressed. Or start drinking. Or both.

So, how does being single relate to making life simple?

If I have more time for ME, I have more time for dating.

If I am more relaxed and less stressed, I have more time for someone else.

See, this Lent thing is really starting to work out for me.
And I don’t really feel like I’m giving up a thing. For now I’m off to shop the personals. I’m sure I can find some good stuff to report on from there!

Then, it’s time to figure out what I’m going to do for ME tonight.

Here’s to…..well hell, here’s to ME!
Peace! I’m out!

Keep It Simple, Sistah

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Wednesday, March 9th.
Day One
I admit I’ve been very unfocused in my writing. I write about this, about that, and nothing ever really gels. But recently, I’ve been inspired.

I have a new goal.

I want to make my life as simple as possible in the next 40 days. Why 40? For those of you who are Catholic, you know that this is the Lenten season. I’m not Catholic, but I always admire those that set goals for themselves and follow them through.

Keep it simple.

It sounds “simple” enough.

Where do I start to make life less dramatic and complicated? I think I start with looking at myself. What is complicating my life?

One thing for me is taking care of everybody but myself. Granted, I have gotten better. The word “no” flows from my lips a lot more than it used to. But, I still need to work on it.

So the first goal is to focus on myself. Selfish? I don’t think so. In order to take care of others, I need to take care of ME first. I want to do one simple little thing for me everyday. It make be taking a little walk. Or cooking a quick and simple dinner (Lean Cuisines are getting old). It could be taking more time to read.

Now, on the goal number two. I need to streamline my finances and clear the “fat” out. Working two jobs does not contribute to “simplicity”. I’m challenging myself to cut enough from my budget in the next forty days to justify not having to work extra. I do love my second job, so I probably won’t quit completely. BUT, my extra pay could contribute to goal number one. Taking care of ME! I would have extra money for travel, books, concert tickets…..Sounds good to me.

A good friend of mine once told me I should always pick three goals to work on. In order to continue to simplify, I’m going to clear some clutter. I’m going to pretend like I’m moving and a clear out absolutely everything I wouldn’t want to take with me. Clothes that don’t fit or I haven’t worn in years? Gone. Books lying around that I’ve read and are taking up space? Going to Book Rack. I may even have a yard sale. I can get rid of crap AND have extra money in my pocket. (Again, this helps out with goal number one. ME!)

That’s it. Three goals for making my life a little simpler. Hopefully, in forty days, I will emerge a less-stressed, rejuvenated, happier ME!

Here’s to keeping it simple!

I’m out!

It Can’t Rain All The Time

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Sherry–“I wish the rain would stop just once.”
Eric–“It can’t rain all the time.”

A friend of mine came to me with some problems recently and I had to share this quote. It’s crazy that such a positive statement can come out of such a dark movie, but it’s so true.

It can’t rain all the time.

It’s rained a lot in my life. I’ve had short rainstorms, long lingering storms, and monsoon-type floods that sometimes I thought were going to drown me. Luckily, I’ve always been blessed to always have someone willing to throw me a life-preserver when I needed it.

I kept that quote with me all the time. No matter what was going on, eventually it would have to stop raining and the sun would come back. It just had to. I had to have faith.

And you know what? It does. And I love to bask in the sun when it does.

Rain is necessary. You can’t appreciate the sun fully unless you’ve been cold, shivering, drenched, sometimes miserable. It sucks, but it’s true.

It’s sunny in my life right now, and I’m so very thankful. Will it stay that way? Of course not. But when the rain comes, I’m going to remember….

It can’t rain all the time.

Peace!
I’m out!

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

/ A.L. Vincent / 1 Comment

“Sometimes you have to go through the dirtiest and the ugliest things to appreciate the good things in life.”

I heard this quote last night from one of my friends while having a few beers, and it immediately it made me stop, cock my head to one side, and contemplate.

What a profound statement.  It seems alcohol makes us great philosophers sometimes.

I’ve heard this quote in various forms, but never with the “dirtiest” and “ugliest”.  It made me think of all the “dirty” and “ugly” things I’ve been through, and how I see life these days.

How do I see life these days?

I try to find the good in every day. Sometimes it’s difficult, but after a moment of reflection, I stop and think “it could be worse”. And immediately, I can find something good.

It’s all those things that have made me who I am. It’s the good, the good friends, my family, my job, that make me happy. It’s the bad and the ugly, the loss of family, of friends, that makes me stronger, but also makes me appreciate the days I have, the people I have.

Maybe it’s like a grittier version of the “Facts of Life”. You take the good, you take, the bad, and there you’ve got the facts of life.”  Or something like that. I wasn’t a fan of that show.  Apparently.

And maybe that’s Queen Alisha’s Guideline to Life #2. Life is the total package, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Live through the bad, survive to appreciate the good.

For now, the Queen is off to celebrate the last day of Mardi Gras.

Definitely, the good.

Peace!

Queen Out!

Queen Alisha’s Guide to Life

/ A.L. Vincent / 1 Comment

Hear ye! Hear ye! After many months of bouncing from one subject to another, I have decided to focus my writing on one topic. What’s that topic?

Queen Alisha’s Guide to Life.

Even the title of my blog is changing to reflect this change.  I’m becoming the Prince of blogging. Well, maybe not that extreme, but my blog will now be titled, “Queen Alisha’s Guide to Life….The blog formerly known as Groovy Kind of Life.”

I’ll still write about some of the same old things like music (I can’t ignore something that’s such a big part of who I am), South Louisiana, and the random topic that strikes my fancy. But, my main focus will be on my New Year’s Resolution to treat myself and have other’s treat me like a Queen.

A Queen.

Not a doormat.

Not a diva.

Not a bitch.

What is a Queen? I found this definition of a Queen on a website this morning and I thought it pretty much fits the definition of what I am trying to achieve.

The Queen

The Queen is the part of us that attempts to establish lawful order and moral virtue by focusing on relationships and by nurturing, encouraging, and protecting the individuality and authority of others. Our Queen addresses social problems and issues with warm, loving, merciful, and forgiving feelings toward otherness. The primary characteristics of the Queen are (1) benevolent feeling, or caring, and (2) shared authority.                          http://www.souljourney.net/archetypestudies/queen.html

Basically, it’s the mature version of Tart, the alter ego I clung to during my misspent youth.  Not quite so selfish, not quite so reckless.

I’m a little older and a little wiser.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s still a lot of Tart left in me. I still love good drinks, nights out on the town, and throwing caution to the wind every now and then. That part of me will always be there. But eventually, we all have to grow up and become who we are meant to be.

Besides, Tart still wants to travel and have a house that befits her new Queen status. Tart can’t have that if she’s throwing her money away on drinks and nights out on the town.

Priorities.

And a good Queen knows how to prioritize.

So, for the most part, my blogs will be about my year of living like a Queen.  And what the hell, if I have a good time with it, I’ll continue after the year is over.

It IS my blog. And I AM the Queen, after all.

For now, I’m off to cook some dinner and feed my royal subjects and get ready for the first Mardi Gras parade in our town.

Maybe I can find a tiara before the parade……..

Hmmmmmm……..

Here’s to living the Queen life, and Carnival time in South Louisiana.

Peace!

I’m out!